Psychological analysis of single men and women’s mate selection difficulties
According to census data, single people in developing countries are expanding. In 1982, there were 1.74 million single households. In 1990, more than 8 million people were not married. In 1990, there were 200,000 single men and women. In 2005, Nanjing alone reached 400,000.Both Beijing and Shanghai have exceeded 1 million people.
The phenomenon of parents participating in various blind dates to find objects for their children has become a landscape in many large cities.
The reasons for single men and women’s difficulty in choosing a spouse, except for what most people understand and see, for example, too much attention to their careers at a young age delays the selection of a spouse, cannot properly evaluate their own conditions, the intervention of parents or relatives, and restrictions on work and social conditionsIn addition to these, there are some personal psychological reasons.
These problems may not be recognized by themselves, their relatives and friends, or effective measures have not been taken to solve them.
First, a woman who has the ability to love and be loved generally told me that when she was introduced to a man, she began to think about when and how to break up with him without talking a few words.
Another female visitor narrated herself that when she was with her boyfriend for about three months, she felt so bored that she couldn’t bear it and had to end it.
These two women are in good condition in all aspects. When they realized that they may have psychological problems, they chose to ask a psychiatrist for help.
It is understood that they lived in a family where parents were at odds with each other. Since childhood, they have not learned to observe the sincere and strong emotions between husband and wife.
Therefore, when they grow up to talk about marriage, they don’t feel like men, so they will neither give nor accept love to others!
When love came to her, it made her extremely unhappy and chose to flee immediately.
Most children who grew up in divorced parents’ families are likely to develop a lack of confidence in marriage.
They are particularly apt to look at each other’s shortcomings when dealing with the opposite sex, and when the two sides have a little conflict, they will even shake their confidence.
At this time, they often do not choose how to solve the problem and move forward, but always choose to leave involuntarily. In fact, it is a manifestation of lack of confidence.
Second, a male visitor has not come out of his past creations and injuries. When someone introduced him to the subject, he actually led the woman to a counselor. He asked the counselor to help him determine whether the woman was “good or not.”OK “,” Will it be to lie to her “and pursue him.
It turned out that he had been divorced once, so-called “once bitten by a snake, ten years afraid of rope.”
He runs his own company, owns cars and houses in the city, and always chooses a new lover to worry that women are trying to covet his wealth, so he loses his judgment when facing women.
They cannot make the past event an independent event. After the end, they calmly analyze the causal relationship, find out the lessons, and trigger the new interpersonal relationship. It is really the beginning of the new event, not the continuation of the past event.
Many people are immersed in memories and reflections on past events. They are nostalgic for the causes that they missed in the past. When facing new objects now, they are used to comparing him or her with him or her then. No matter how you look at the person in front of youThe one who differs is too far to accept.
Most of these people, the person in their mind, is actually the product of the illusion in their hearts.
The desire for a lover makes them focus more emotions and more ideals on the imaginary person, shifting the shift of time. This illusory shadow is increasingly stretched, and finally occupies all positions in their hearts.It is difficult for any newcomer to enter their inner world.
But they themselves insist that the ideal person does not appear, and they may have to wait and seek for their entire lives.
But one day, when the perfect and tall man in their minds really appeared in front of them, they might be as crazy as love for Ash when they were young, like Scarlett, the hero of the American novel Gone with the Wind.Lee, when she went through a series of life tests such as war and the death of her family, let’s take a look at the perfect person in her mind that year, and find that he is just a commonplace.
Third, the defect in personality A female visitor, who talked about the subject unsuccessfully for many times, asked the reason, and she told me that every time she started talking about her boyfriend, she liked to ask her friends and colleagues around her for advice. These women saidThere are both good and bad. In this case, she has no idea herself. In the end, the more she looks the worse, and it ends.
A man has a tendency to be violent. Whenever he quarrels with his girlfriend, he involuntarily beats him. After the fight, he regrets it very much and apologizes to his girlfriend in tears.
However, soon afterwards, she returned to the old state.
For a long time, no one could endure his violence. Now, after all, it is the 21st century. Women are no longer willing to be husband’s accessories.
Beyond this woman, she may be a person with an incomplete personality. When she encounters a problem, she often lacks ideas, or she may cause a sense of security in her heart. She is full of dangers and trusts in her future predictions.
A violent man may have grown up in a family that often resorts to violence and has developed a behavioral approach to solving problems by force.
In our experience, we often have to warn women that in the face of a man with severe violence or violent behavior, whether to choose to be his partner needs to be carefully considered and decided, because once there is a violent tendency in personality, it is difficult to changeof.
In addition, if men or women desire too much control, they should be jealous too close to paranoia, extremely distorted emotions, and too conservative or radical in sexuality, which can all be regarded as personality defects.
These may all become factors that influence mate selection.
Fourth, the United Nations is not in the minority of men or women who lack skills in intercourse with the opposite sex.
A female teacher, conscious of her low interpersonal skills, was afraid that she would not speak when she saw her boyfriend and said something wrong, so she chose not to see her boyfriend.
She and her boyfriend are in the same city, and they rest on weekends. The boyfriend asks to spend time together, but she refuses her boyfriend because she is worried about seeing her boyfriend “behaving badly”.
Imagine what men and women in love would think if they refused to meet.
She was worried that she wouldn’t speak, but because the men and women were not deep in each other and hadn’t reached mutual understanding, her boyfriend might think that she intentionally refused and avoided herself because she didn’t look at herself.
If the misunderstanding persists for a long time, it may cause qualitative change and go to the opposite side of her hope.
Especially when young people are in love, they often need to receive technical guidance.Human talent and growth environment are not the same. Some people can easily learn the skills of dealing with the opposite sex, but some people always have this knowledge and need to actively participate in learning.